what next?

hello again..

this time entry sa mau meluah sepuas2nya 😭 sbb saya xtau lagi mau meluah sama siapa.. sometimes sa rasa Tuhan tidak sayang saya 😭😭 bulan August baru seja start kan tapi dalam masa 4hri ni saya sudah kecewa yg sangat2 kecewa dgn 2 benda yang selama ni sa betul2 countdown to 😭😭 i dont know why did God do this to me..

apa salah saya? x layakkah saya jadi mcm orang lain? 💔

sampai saya tpikir perlukh sa pray untuk semua ni lagi? saya sampai jadi takut untuk meminta and mengharap sama Tuhan 😭😭😭 

first, memang dari awal saya tidak berharap pun dapat join volleyball tournament ilkkm peringkat kebangsaan tapi since sudah dapat surat and i saw mu name on the list i was like 

"PRAISE THE LORD.. ini rezeki saya" tapi lepas fews weeks of training saya dapat tau nama saya kena buang and kena tukar dgn nama org lain SIAPA TIDAK KECEWA KANN!!!!

serious saya kecewa sampai saya tidak tau mau kasi luah sama siapa 😭😭😭

saya rasa kejam betul Sr sbagai jurulatih & saya rasa tuhan permainkan saya 😭😭 i know saya berdosa sangat2 sebab ada perasaan bgtu.. tpi saya betul2 kecewa 😭💔

and then now saya rasa tidak sudah mau join training sebab buat saya penat tapi tiada hasil yg saya dapat.. 😪😪

AJAR SAYA MACAM MANA MAU JADI HATI BATU SUPAYA TIDAK KECEWA LAGI..

and second thing, its about the engagement. i know since the day ingkung passaway i know that everything will not be going as planned.. tapi betulah saya kecewa sekali lagi 😭💔

all this while since 2016!!! i pray to God supaya saya cepat2 dapat engage with love of my life, until this year i thought that God has answered my prayer 😭😭😭 tapi once again tuhan kecawa kan saya.. WHY LORD WHY.. apa salah saya?

orang lain rancang satu kali trus on, saya rancang few times..itu pun xtau lah jadi kah tidak lagi 

😭😭😭 

kenapa Tuhan ambil ingkung saya? sedangkan Tuhan tau saya mau engage fews more months bfore that.. kenapaaaaaaaaa?!

saya mau kasi salah siapa ni? saya mau meluah sama siapa? saya mau mengadu sama siapa?

😭😭😭😭

SEMUA PUN HARAPAN PALSU💔

ya memang depan orang lain saya senyum mcm tida yang berlaku, tapi dalam hati? tiada siapa yabg tau 😭😭

so far 2019 is one of the worst year i go thru.. i hate everything 😭 semua pun harapan paslu.. bikin kecewa bikin sakit hati..

till next entry,

love Ela

a letter to ingkung 💕

hello everyone,

please lent me ur few second to pray for my ingkung (grandfather) who has called by the Lord for his eternal rest 🙏🏻

amen.

last 16/07/2019 @ 8:15am

ingkung has been called back home by the Lord for his eternal rest. and i really sure by that nenek pun ada dsana heaven menunggu kedatangan ingkung after 8 years dorang berpisah 😭😭😭

at the age of 84yo ingkung kena panggil tuhan, im so much proud sbb jarang orang skrng meninggal di usia melebih 80 tahun.. you the choosen one ingkung, im a proud cucu 😍

tapi dalam kegembiraan ingkung, kami yg kena kasi tinggal saaaangat-sangat rasa kehilangan 😭 seriously i never felt this lost bfore until ingkung left us 😭😭

mungkin sbb saya letak harapan terlalu tinggi sama ingkung dulu 😭

its been 7 days since you left us ingkung, tapi ni air mata masih lagi bjatuhan x boleh stop 😭😭

sorry ingkung bukan saya tidak terima kenyataan tapi susah untuk saya percaya semua ni sudah berlaku. saya seriously belum bsedia untuk kehilangan ingkung lagi or anyone in the families. klau boleh saya mau saya duluan pergi sblum kamu semua..🙏🏻

I MISSSSS YOU SO MUCH INGKUNG!!!

i once told my nephew that

" after this we miss atuk, we can only pray for him.. we cannot go back kampung and see him again after this.." 

😭😭😭

yes i now, i do pray for him when ever i miss him but the pain that i bare is seriously painfully that i ever thought 😭💔

sakit yg terlalu sakit.. saya menyesal sebab tidak pernag curi masa untuk jaga ingkung selama dia di masih hidup dulu..

all that i think all this while is 

'saya akan jaga infkung after i finish my study.. sikit lgi mau hbis dtudy sudah ni' 

and that make me regret for the rest of my life 😭😭😭 sorry ingkung.. betul2 saya menyesal.. and i'll do for the rest of my life. 

you & nenek will always be loved & missed by all of us here. 🙏🏻💕

DEAR INGKUNG,

thank you for everything that you have done to me for the past 23yeass. thank you ingkung & nenek sebab bagi saya ama.. tanpa kamu bdua tiada lah ama saya. thank you ingkung atas seeeemua nasihat, tunjuk ajar & jokes selama ini..

i will surely miss you alot after this 😭😭

sorry ingkung sebb tidak pernah jadi cucu yg terbaik untuk ingkung, sorry sebab semakin saya membesar semakin limited masa saya spend sama ingkung 😭😭 sorry ingkung sbb pernah tmarah & tpanas sama ingkung 😭😭😭 sorry ingkung sebb saya tidak faham ingkung bila semakin tua pasti ada perubahan.. ingkung banyak mengajar kami seeeemua erti KESABARAN dalam hidup.. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING INGKUNG 😭😭😭

thank you Lord Jesus sebab pernah kaso pinjam saya ingkung saya selama 23tahun...🙏🏻🙏🏻

TILL WE MEET AGAIN SOMEDAY IN HEAVEN ABOVE. tunggu kami diatas k ingkung & nenek. 

do be our GUARDIAN ANGEL too.. supaya jalan hidup kami semua di dunia ini dipermudahkan & kami memilih jalan yang betul 🙏🏻

I LOVE YOU INGKUNG,

ur grandchildren,

ela. 

E-DAY PREPARATION JOURNEY (part 1)

hey everyone..

wahhhh tiba2 rajin konon saya mau update blog skarang lepas kena ubahsuai segala2 yang patut..

aching✨

baca title sudah kannnnn?

so yeay! its a good news for me n him.. yesss after 6years being in love with each other

WE DICEDE TO TAKE A STEP CLOSER TO FOREVER!

yes its about commitment! it took alot yessssss ALOT of times for us to talk from heart to heart about this and things get right..

its a right time for us (me and him) to get a step closer.. 💍✨

he asked, and she said yes! 

saya pun x sangka mau jdi tunangan orang sudah tidak lama lgi.. excited, nervous semua ada..

and all i want from all of you is a prayer for us. doa yg baik2 😁🙏🏻

this gonna be his 2nd tine enggage and its my 1st time, so may everything goes well.

JODOH kan di tangan Tuhan, siapa lh kita untuk menidakkan kerja and rancangan Tuhan. yesss betul saya follow the flow dlm ni relationship.. and i thank God he gave me him(my love of my life).

OKKKKK, 

enuf with this pot pet pot pet🗣

the main purpose of this time blogging is about "e-day preparation" soooo mari kita start..

1st thing 1st, kena lah set DATE & TIME. ✔️

it will be on the 1/9/19 @ 11:30am

2nd, venue. ✔️

mestilah di kg saya kannnn..😂

3rd, makanan & minuman ✔️

so we dicede on just food catering  this time. sudah tau siapa yg akan cater makan and drinks.

not only that! moginum jgn kamu lupa.. i've told my parents & him saya xmau tlampau bnyak minuman kayyyyy. (typical nurse kah juga ni? 🤣)

4th, cake 

ok ni belum check lgi k, sbb sa masih serveyyyyyyyy who and who will do.

mybe aunty sa sndri or mybe orang lain. wakakakaka masih x sure.

(lama lgi bh 😜)

5th, themes ✔️

ok ini kali kasi chance lah dia pilih colour.. nanti kawin let me choose! its a deal 😋☺️

so he choosed WHITE + SILVER 😍

not bad lah.. sbb jarang orang pilih silver as e-day juga klau yg slama ni sa tingu2.. (xtau pula yg sa x nmpak HAHAHAHAH)

6th, backdrop ✔️

sudah tau theme colour kannnn.. so sa pun ada sudah design untuk backdrop nti.. wording pun saya sudah servey2 and i think i got the cheapest price w a good design. (hopefully) 

theme untuk backdrop sa pilih 

"LESS IS MORE"

biarlh simple yg pnting elegant

7th, karaoke set & MC ✔️

its on my dad hand.. dia pilih uncle Richard 😍 yessss mimang sa impi2 kan dia jdi mc di majlis sa since i was still a kid..

its my own uncle actually. daddy punya cousin.   

8th, MUA 

belum decide laaaaaaagi 😩😫

yalah its my day kot, mestilh mau shantik2 kan.. but i thinking of taking my future SIL as my MUA since dia pun MUA di Sabah especially kk.. meletop top tops juga makeup kak Ila..hopefully dia blum kena boook lgi lh untuk 1/9 nti... (finger crossing🙏🏻)

9th, outfit

ini pun beeeeelum lgi pg servey2 😂 ill bring Amy untuk servey baju nti.. dia lh paaaaling ngam untuk jdi peneman pilih barang.

kami punya taste sama k. 👏🏻

10th, CINCIN 💍 ✔️

astagah sikit lupa. maka ini lh yg paling penting kannnnnn WAKAKAKAKAKAKAK

😂😂😂

so yeay kmi kena sedia 3 betuk cincin (me, him, my sister)

sebab langkah bendul kannnn jdi tpaksa lah bagi kakak sa sinsin 😜😂 itulah gatal sudah mau kahwin kan. wakakakak xbh.. tpi sbb jodoh sa datang awal 🤭

but heyyyyy 23yo its suitable enough untuk a step closer kay... xkn mau tunggu tua bru mau kawin kan. FOR ME, saya mau kahwin bfore umur saya 25yo k.

sbb saya tidak mau sudah tua anak masih kecil. hihihih

#lainOrangLainPendapat

11th, jemputan

ok yg ini, tunang seja pun kannn jdi limit lah org kena jemput. only my close family from my dad n mom side, my close friend(really close one) and pion friend & his family memberssssss. taaaapi ini seja pun kena jemput mcm baaaaaaanyak juga sa rasa 😂🤣 almaklum, kluarga kami besar2.

but for jemputan, belum ada proper invitation lah kami bt so belum check lgi.

sa rasa itu seja lah for this entry, sbb baru ini seja preparation yang kami buat.

till next post..

with love,

hopey.

quick update

HEY AWAK..

its been yearsssss since my last update (the last one was on 2015)

and now its June 2019.

berhabuk sudah blog sis... wakakakak

sbnarnya ada seja punnn dsini tapi tu lah masa tidak mengizinkan untuk bt entries mcm dulu-dulu the good old days. (how i miss my chidlhood days and my school life days)

skarang ni mau masuk fasa bekerja sudah.. (its my final student years this year 2019)

soooooon make alam pekerjaan..and i surely gonna love my job tho its not what i wanna be when i was small. 

angan2 tidak semestinya jadi kenyataan kannn.. God surely knows us better then ourself.

everything happen for a reason so do what im gonna becoming soon.

sa terima dgn hati terbuka. bukan jadi cikgu pun its ok, being a nurse i always one good thing.. membantu orang juga kan.

thats what really matter actually. 

2019 is really gonna be a big year for me & love of my life. till next post!

with love, hopey.

welcoming random speech.

HYE ;)

IT'S 17TH OF JULY 2015 TODAY.

MY 1ST POST AFTER OVER A YEAR STOP POSTING DUE TO MY STUDY.

I CAN MANAGE MY OWN TIME. 

IT'S HARD!

student life is always not enough for only 24hours a day.

it is also a 1st day of  hari raya aidilfitri.

wishing all of you a blessed and enjoyable hari raya aidilfitri maaf zahir batin.

salam kosong-kosong ;)

the mission for today is to go for my friends open house where makan and makan and makan all the way,

sebab tidak balik kampung this raya, i may have a chance to pay a visit to my friends house.

but in the same time it is sad to know that im not going anyway this holiday. 

only a short holiday before my final sem.

till then, bye.